Ar8ro stous LA Times gia ta Chuck Norris jokes:
http://www.latimes.com/features/lifesty ... home-style
Chuck Norris fact generator:
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Chuck Norris does not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure.
Chuck Norris carries a messenger bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls
a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon
impact.
Chuck Norris has a stare that turns goat piss into gasoline.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined
for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.
Chuck Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.
Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.
One day Chuck Norris went shopping and he had grabbed the last can of
pea soup off the counter. Just then Steven Segal, Jean-Claude Van
Damme, and Godzilla walked in and turned to Chuck Norris and said,
"Give us the pea soup Buck Morris!" right then Chuck Norris turned
around and went, "The name is Chuck Norris!" and he brutally
anniliated all three of them. The pea soup tasted especially good that
night.
Chuck Norris defeated the Canadian Army with a rusty wooden spoon.
Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for
this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at your grimly.
Chuck Norris once ejaculated solid gold into a river in India,
bringing profit to the local villagers and causing him to be worshiped
as a God.
Chuck Norris convinced Anakin Skywalker to join the Dark Side of the Force.
Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is
the 8th wonder of the natural world.
Chuck Norris beat up MacGyver using only a paper clip, a rubber band,
and a pinecone.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
the face.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from
outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris can't eat while standing upright.
Chuck Norris fought a pirate once. It was close but the pirate won.
Chuck has been in a state of chronic depression ever since.
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.
One drop of Chuck Norris' sweat can cure you of anything, even death.
Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to spell doom in
twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Chuck Norris has never been sick. Ever.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only
Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft
landed in soil by tasting it.
Chuck Norris's heart beats once every full moon.
Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
Chuck Norris signed the Declaration Of Independance, The Bill Of
Rights, and the Constitution while plundering a poor asian village.
The movie "The Ring" is actually just a Chuck Norris biography.
Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't
find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late
he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.
Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick
your ass and take your dollar.
Chuck Norris once fought off 42 ninjas bilndfolded, while having sex
with 3 women.
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris has beaten more people in hand to hand combat then you
have seen in your entire life.
Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.
Ecstacy is actually made by extracting the special seratonin mixture
found only the skull of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris put the 'k' in 'hardkore.'
Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old
people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.
In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host
Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third
breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the earth, thus creating the hole
in the ozone layer.
Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.
Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and
forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris."
At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once pulled a bus full of school children teetering over the
edge of a cliff back onto the road with his bare hands, saving everybody
inside. Even as they cheered, he screamed, "I'm not your savior!" and
headbutted the bus over the edge, sending them all to their horrible doom.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has
been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't
you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name
cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever
saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris cloned himself just to see if he could kick his own ass. The
result was the second ice age.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him.
Chcuk Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck
Norris for every answer.
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a
birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth.
Thats why we celebrate Christmas.
Chuck Norris doesnt type the traditional way on the computer, he punches
the keyboard and the words appear on the screen. (sorry first one that
came to mind since I am typing on the keyboard.
When Chuck norris wants to start a fire he just bends over and aims his
rectum at the wood and lets one go.
When told by a hostess at a restaurent "Please wait to be seated" he
roundhouse kicked her in the face and sat down at another familys table
and started to eat their food. When asked by the family what he was doing
he roundhouse kicked the entire family in the face and proceeded to eat
all their food and their carcasses!
Chuck Norris doesn't go cow tipping, he goes cow roundhouse kicking.
When Chuck Norris died he arrived to the gates of heaven. St Peter told
him that his access to Heaven was denied he roundhouse kicked St Peter
in the face and returned to Eath as an immortal as he is today.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin, which he built himself.
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Login
FAQ
/ balte / to fb forum / ston kolo sas
